Sunday, June 9, 2013

Dept. of Prognostication

Looking ahead at Cory Booker's career...

• 2016: Runs for and wins the late Frank Lautenberg's old Senate seat

• 2017-19: Repeatedly reaches across aisle in gracious but futile attempts to work in comity with Senate Republicans

• 2019: Announces bid for White House in stirring Newark oration attended by President Obama and Caroline Kennedy

• 2019-20: Has patriotism questioned when Wall Street Journal reports that his American flag pin was made in Korea; is denounced by an angry Donald Trump as not having reported $2 income on scratch-off lottery ticket in 1987; is alleged not to have heroically rushed into a burning house to save people; eventually releases two forms of his birth certificate to moot allegation that he was born in Africa; is accused by Tea Party of fomenting class warfare and secretly plotting to secede North New Jersey from the United States

• 2020: Is elected by healthy margin despite being outspent $10 billion to $2 billion on campaign trail by mild-mannered Republican CEO, who then immediately disappears from public life

• 2021-23: Against long odds, uses White House bully pulpit and 68% approval rating to shepherd several landmark pieces of progressive legislation through Congress

 • 2024: Handily wins reelection despite not even campaigning against Republican nominee Sarah Palin

 • 2025-28: Stands by helplessly as Republican Congress passes no new laws and feverishly attempts to unwind progressive legislation from his first term

 • 2029: Moves to Denmark

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